Let's Get Physical. Physically HURT. BY ME.

Ladies, gentlemen, and turds, the magazines are correct. Fat = death. You should never be fat, especially if you're a girl kitty because that leads to laziness and heat problems and diabetes. I am the picture of health. You know how I do it? I engage my human pet!

Tip # I don't even know, you're supposed to be keeping track.

If you want to get your daily exercise and engage your human pet all in one fell swoop, just bring your toys to them and meow balefully. They'll immediately feel guilty for not paying attention to you and they'll wave the magic sting of joy to your heart's content. They will feel happy because they'll think they're being a good owner (HAH! Cat owner, what a joke), you'll get play time and feel good about yourself, it's a win-win.

Except, we always win more. Well, I do. Of course.